The Sadness of My Heart.
It has been a year now since my last recorded life that I wrote in here. I’m back again…but this time around, with a very sorrow heart. I am still me, the same joyful girl that everyone knows. I have not change a bit in that part yet and I am glad because I don’t want to live in sorrowness. At least not until the night has come and I’m on my bed, looking at the moon and stars. For the past one year of hard, fun and struggle life, I’ve learnt so many things. Things that I never thought before and those make me a better person. I start to live my life again using my brain this time and not my desire. I’m glad that I was awaken by the feeling to change and that one, I thanks my experiences, my friends and my family and the Almighty as he has gave me the second time to change and to breathe. Last semester, my 2nd sem in here, I had my ups and downs. I was rejected, I was hurt, I was thankful, and I was relieved. I got involved in theatre club, which had gave me so many new knowledge, experiences, and new friends. I got my chance to act in Istana Budaya- was very proud of it- and I got to act as main character in our drama class project. It was awesome! I got my friends at my back and my family who always supports me from behind and I’m very very thankful for that. they are the reasons that I’m still have the guts to walk on this land and lift my face up facing all the challenges even though in my heart, I was deeply hurt. Despite all the good things that happened to me, one thing that still has its scar here in my heart is that, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend cum someone’s husband now. Yes, he left me for another woman and they got married. They got married! God knows how my heart was tear apart so roughly like my heart was not even worth it. I felt like dying, I cried 3 nights in a row, my eyes were so swollen, and I can’t even look at the mirror. I was so sad. It felt like someone has murdered me on the inside but I still live on, with the wound unhealed. It hurts so bad. So so bad. A silent death for me. After a week, I tried to get over it. I cannot be like that. I am not going to show to other people that side of me. Owh no, I’m not going to. So there I live, for a few months trying to heal my heart alone with the help from Mr. Time but even he can’t help to heal it fully. The new semester has started; I was almost no longer in thoughts of him. I feel free. With all my friends besides me, what more can I ask for? But something came to my realization. All of them are already taken. They have boyfriends. They are not like me. Again, I was devastated but I kept it alone. I am not mad at them. It’s their choice to love and to be loved and who am I to say no to them? Plus, they never ignore me; in fact they are always there when I need them. The people who concern and I am very glad. Thanks you guys..thanks for taking care of me so well. I love you guys no matter what happened..bfffff!! J But lately, the sadness comes again. If you see the weather now, my heart is like that. Cloudy, rainy and stormy. I cry easily nowadays. I wept when I see movies, when I see people holding hands, when I see happy smiling couples. It hurts my feeling for the fact that I’m still alone after 7 months he left me. Everyone else is so happy and I’m the one without any partner, without anyone to hold and to love. I can see happiness in their eyes when they told me about their bf. I can see the excitements and the fun behind all these coupling thingy- something that I had left behind. I miss the feeling. I really do. I want to miss someone, to love someone too but I don’t have anyone. When I was pretty sad with my unloved condition, something happened. I’ll tell you all in the next chapter of my life. Flip through to read..
